Well kids, we made it through nine of my Rules for Gay Dating, and since I arbitrarily decided I wanted ten of them, that mean there's only one left. In some ways, I saved the best for last. It's a simple rule, but one I think a lot of people struggle with. Without further ado, here's Rule #10 :
Have fun.That's it. Nothing more complicated than that. I think some folks tend to take the whole thing a little too seriously. Sure, the ultimate goal of dating is to find someone with whom you're compatible, who you can settle down with and build a life together...but that's the long range goal. In the short term, just enjoy yourself! The first nine rules are important, but if you're not having a good time, they're useless. First and foremost gay dating should be fun.
In a lot of ways, this rule bleeds into all the others. The first rule was "Be honest." It's hard to have fun when you're busy pretending to be someone else. Unless you're a pathological liar, in which case, there's no hope for you anyway...so stop asking me out.
Rules #2 and 3 go hand in hand: "Know who attracts you" and "Have something in common." It's much easier to relax and enjoy yourself when your in gay singles dating is your type and you have some common ground. That's not to say you can't still have fun if you find yourself on a date from hell. It's just a different kind of fun at that point. Sort of like, well, the ship's going down anyway, so I might as well play a song.
Rule #4 was "Know you expectations." This is a big one when it comes to having fun. If your expectations are too high, you're probably going to be disappointed or uptight on your date. While it's important to know what you expect from a date, or even a relationship, it's equally — if not more — important to keep those expectations realistic.
The fifth rule was "Make sure you have chemistry." If you have good chemistry with someone, the fun will take care of itself...providing you don't get in the way. The next rule was "Have a plan." Having a plan takes a lot of the stress away, and allows you to relax and appreciate the experience.
"Be interesting and interested" was Rule #7. You're obviously going to enjoy the date more if you find your date engaging, but you may find it equally pleasurable when your date finds you just as fascinating. With Rule #8, "Know what to avoid and when to bail," you're weeding out the troublemakers who take all the fun out of dating. Finally, Rule #9 stated, "Don't rush it." Nothing ruins a date quicker than someone moving too fast.
If you've followed all the rules, all that's left is your mindset. Relax, be yourself, and have fun!
Over the course of the last few months, several people have pointed out that these are more guidelines than hard, fast rules, and that they apply to straight people just as much as gay and lesbians. Both are true, but since I’m a gay man writing for a lgbt newspaper, sexy singles can find their perfect partner very easily at online dating sites services.
And since I named the series, I chose "Rules of Gay Dating" since my original point was how there didn’t seem to be any rule to dating in the modern dating age especially for gay men. I could have called it "A Guide to Gay Dating," but that sounds more like a book to me. Hmm…maybe there’s something in that.
At any rate, the column will continue on after the rules. In the next issue of Single Black Sheep, I’ll be answering the most oft-asked question since I started the Rules: "These are great and all, but where do I find a date in the first place?" So join me next time as we explore "The Wild and Wonderful World of Gay Dating" or "How do I find me a boy?" Until next time…Happy Dating!